Do you ever find yourself stumped when a word from your grandparents’ mouth, on Seinfeld, or Curb Your Enthusiasm is mentioned?  If conversations sound somewhat similar to the video found below, you should find this post useful. Here is a comprehensive list of commonly used Yiddish words for the gentile’s and Jews who have not practiced the religion since the Hebrew School days.

Putz – a stupid, ignorant person; someone who doesn’t pay attention to anything going on; one who makes stupid remarks* (also known as a schmuck).

Meshuggina – also known as a crazy person but more importantly this is a real fun to word to say out loud.

Alter-Cocker- an old person who is constantly complaining.

Nosh – formally a snack or the food you eat after a late night smoke session.

Shmageggy – a personal TJML favorite.   This term is used loosely: a lame, ineffectual, or pussy-whipped woman of a man.* Without the vulgarity, we’ll group this with a putz or schmuck.

Knish – not John Turturro who offers to bankroll Matt Damon in Rounders, rather a potato pastry

Chachka – things considered to be worth collecting, not necessarily because of value or antiqueness. Commonly called a “chachkey.”  Think small decorations.

Chupah – alter where the wedding ceremony takes place under.  You might be familiar with a chupah from “Meet the Parents” where Owen Wilson designed his own (which gets lit on fire from Greg Focker’s cigarette).

Facocta – pronounced fa-cock-ta.  Used when something is messed up (such as: Marvin, the facocta car won’t start and we’re going to be late to the Jackie Mason show).

Kvetch – the Yiddish way to say complaining bitch*

Shiksa – a Gentile woman with an attraction to Jewish men.

Other commonly used words: kin-a-hurra , ay yay yay, bubbula,  oy gevalt, schlep, schmooz, schnoze, yente,  schvitz.

Missing any?  Add on for us.

*Source: urbandictionary.com

Of the evolving social norms in today’s age, tattoos are becoming commonplace amongst the population. A recent study showed that 40% of 26-40 years olds have at least one tattoo. Which culture, social group, athlete, or religion has seen a rise in tattoo-getters? The answer is easy. You have the overweight men riding Harley’s, the entire NBA, the thugs, the punk-rockers, the children looking to rebel, the Hindus (we’ll count Henna), and the everyday young adult or housewife who is looking to spice up their lives a bit.

The purposes behind permanently having ink knit into your flesh remains plentiful, while some tattoos have meaning, others don’t – read on. In remembrance of loved ones, your dog’s face on your bicep– we get it, sort of. Here’s what is still difficult to understand; your name or even others, Chinese writing when you’re not Chinese, barbed-wires, and full “sleeves” of colorful ink where the tattoo artist wasn’t even sure what they were drawing. Anyone care to explain?

The most puzzling tattoo of all: a Jewish star. We’ve all heard the adage that Jews cannot be buried in a Jewish cemetery with tattoos. This may be true or just an urban legend, though we’ll leave this unanswered. Ironically enough, Jews are increasingly getting sacrilegious art on their body from designs such as the Star of David, to Hebrew letters, to a pig with a kosher sign (see below).

Let’s weigh the pros versus cons of being a Jew with a tattoo…

- Expressing your Judaism : Likelihood of being ridiculed by other Jews

- Connect with your Jewish roots : Not being able to take your shirt off around your mother

- Exhibiting cultural pride : Having a blotch of ink on your body when you’re old and wrinkly

The million dollar question: can you still be considered a “nice Jewish boy” with these tattoos?

Temp Tee, the tribal cream cheese is also known as the cream cheese for the chosen ones.  We have all had our fair share of “Philadelphia” throughout the years, but that just doesn’t compare.

Of all people and cultures, we can all attest to having very specific tastes and preferences in food. Certain people will only eat their pizza from that one pizzeria. Others refuse to go anywhere other than their favorite Chinese restaurant for Sunday night dinners. Some have their morning cup of nothing other than the Starbucks over-priced latte. Similarly enough, Jews require Temp Tee on their toasted and scooped everything bagels. It’s something people are aware of, but is not spoken quite often about. So TJML asks the question, how did this phenomenon begin and where did it come from?

Here’s the most logical assumption. Supermarkets are full of marketing tactics. Of these tactics, they cater their food to neighborhood majorities. The mass orders of Temp Tee comes into play more so in the Dix Hills Shop-Rite, Long Island and Boca Raton, Florida than Albuquerque, New Mexico. With limited options and constant shelf life the oddly bright pink container is a hit. We all know once the yente’s spread the word, Temp Tee becomes a monopoly.

To bore you with a brief history of the product, Kraft Foods owns Breakstone who produces Temp Tee. Wouldn’t you know it; the CEO of Kraft Foods is Irene Rosenfeld, a Jew. Surprising to see they haven’t changed the name of Breakstone to Breakstein.

Anyway the topic of Temp tee being the Jewish cream cheese is a great conversation starter and good to bring up at family gatherings to avoid awkward silence – remember this during the upcoming holidays.

To the non-kosher eaters:  Next visit to your favorite bagel store be sure to order a plain bagel with cream cheese (Temp Tee, naturally) topped with some bacon.  Thank TJML for the treat later.

By the time a single Jewish man hits 23, their parents feel the need to get involved. Fear not my fellow cousins. If your parents know someone looking for a nice Jewish boy such as yourself, here’s what you do: Facebook search for her name (be sure to not friend request prior to the first three dates, it’s creepy and we all know it). Search through the fifty pages of Stephanie’s/Allison’s/Michelle’s and locate her. If the profile picture looks somewhat up to par, you’re golden. Next, send a text or BBM to establish some contact and avoid future awkwardness. After a few texts, man up and give her a call. Let her know that your parents typically do not set up your dates but you heard such great things – etc. The rest is up to you, TJML is by no means Will Smith in “Hitch” and we hope you are no resemblance of Kevin James. Work your charm, and make sure to thank your parents after you lay some pipe. A few weeks later, ask your parents to keep them coming – they’ll do their part – after all, it’s a mitzvah.

Why should you move forward with the potential date set up by your mom or dad? Let’s see… to make your parents happy, because Jdate is not worth the membership fee and 95% of the girls are hideous, expectations are set low from the start – a half decent date turns into a success. Also, if the date does not work out, it will motivate your parents to keep their eyes even more wide open. The waitress that serves them at the deli, the cute blonde shopping in the same store as your mom, or their friends daughters – all unbelievable prospects!

What these parents to do not realize is that times have changed. Baby boomers did not have it made back in the day like we do today. And no, not because the instant access we have to online porn. Jdate.com, Facebook, Myspace (not so much), text messages, the list goes on. Women are at our finger tips these days. No worries. If you can’t make it rain, let your mom help – no homo.

Of course parents take these initiatives to enforce the tradition of their son marrying a Jewish girl. If this isn’t in your playbook, maybe it’s not in your best interest to pursue these dates. Not many parents will go out of their way to set up their precious boy with Esperanza, Margarita, Yuka, Ursula, or our favorite Asian lady friend (see #1 Post Asian Sensation). There’s always having them convert, right?